Sunday, June 30, 2019
Sustenance
Sermon for Grace and
St. Stephen’s 6/30/19 2 Kings 2:1-2, 6-14, Luke
9:51-62
A couple of weeks ago I flew to Ohio
for my annual conference. Most of you
know that I am a United Methodist pastor and my conference membership is with
East Ohio where I grew up and was ordained.
Every other year there is one Episcopal priest who uses a week of his
vacation time to go to Ohio and hang out with our kids while I attend
conference sessions. The East Ohio
Conference is in the same small community on Lake Erie every year. In the center of the little town is an
auditorium and that is where we have our meetings, worship and ordinations.
Elijah soon goes in a whirlwind … but
God remains -with Elisha, with prophets after him, with the Holy Spirit and
with each of us called in our baptism to do God’s work thousands of years
later. God remains and that spirit
carries on.
And that’s what I saw that night on
stage at the ordination, under bright lights standing in front of hundreds of
people. I saw the Holy Spirit, God’s
presence with God’s people, carrying on, calling new people in new ways, and
providing what we need for building the Kingdom of Heaven on earth.
When I went to conference this year I
did not have much hope for what would happen.
These are very divisive and uncertain times for The United Methodist
Church. It may be my last conference
there and it will almost definitely be the last conference with the
denomination looking the way it currently does.
When I entered I saw a lot of retirees, heard a lot of strategizing,
agendas and opposing views. Pillars of
the conference have died, many of my mentors have retired and the young people
were underrepresented. And this is not
unique to just that area or that denomination.
While we here at Grace have a vibrant
community and so many wonderful faith filled young people, many churches in
America are struggling and trying to hold on to what is familiar while
realizing that change is inevitable. In
many churches the number of funerals far outnumbers baptisms.
But God’s spirit is still moving. God is providing sustenance. God’s spirit was alive and present at that
conference- the young woman I stood on stage with is bold, deeply faithful and
courageous in her calling. And whether
or not a denomination changes, she is a reminder to me that God is still at
work and providing what we need.
There is a tradition every year at the
end of the ordination service. The
congregation in that big auditorium sits down and sings while some
representatives stand at the front. An
invitation is put out for anyone who may feel called by God to ordained
ministry to come forward. And then we
wait. We sing and we wait to see if any
brave souls will walk to the front to be prayed over. I have been worshiping at Episcopal churches
long enough to feel a little awkward at this altar-call type experience, but
despite initial awkwardness after a few minutes I, like everyone around me had
tears down my cheeks.
People came forward. From all walks of life and all ages, they
came. They came not because the church
can promise them wealth, security or armies of support, but because they
believe that the Spirit calls and sustains us.
And I thought back to many years ago when I was a young teenager and
took that awkward walk to the front of the auditorium, in front of all of those
people, to say that I felt called to ordained ministry.
I thought about what that calling has
looked like over the years since then. Some of it has been in church ministry,
some of it has been through friendships, volunteer work, parenting and casual
conversations. Some of it has been
through loneliness, doubt, depression and uncertainty. Some of it has been through places I never
expected, I didn’t expect that I would be standing here in an Episcopal pulpit
in Colorado. Some of it has been through
deeply painful deaths and saying goodbye to the people who supported me. But all of it has been sustained by that
spirit, that spirit of God that moved over creation, passed from Elijah to
Elisha and fills this room now.
It is that same spirit that we taught
the children about one week ago when they filled our space with the songs they
learned in Vacation Bible School. The
spirit that enables them to be strong and courageous even when the lions
roar. It is the same spirit that stirs
within us when we see injustices that break our hearts in the world. When we see the faces of children suffering. The same spirit that moves within us when we
are tempted to throw our hands in the air with helplessness, overwhelming
guilt, or silencing despair.
And this is why Jesus says “follow me.”
Because he knows that we can. He knows
the spirit sustains us. He knows nothing
in the world can quench the fire within us.
And so we are called to the difficult places, the pains of the world and
the challenges of each day with courage, faith and hope. Knowing that God is enough and the spirit of
God will never leave us.
Saturday, June 29, 2019
Four Years
Four Years. Today
marks four years since I walked into that Hospice room and sat with her … since
I whispered love and encouragement in her ear between goodbyes from people who
loved her so much that they could barely breathe between tears … since we last
communicated through a look, one last moment of eye contact before her eyes saw
things I haven’t yet seen.
It’s been four years and I am still unpacking what I learned
from that experience … from her life and her death. Soon after she died and every year since on
this day I have written about it and I have said that watching her die pushes
back on all my fears about death. Those
final moments were peaceful, full of love and beautiful. But also watching her live taught me a lot
about how I want to live.
Some days I find myself caught up in worry. I worry about something happening to my kids
and I worry about something happening to me or my husband. Some days I let the fear take up more space
than it should and my thoughts are colored by anxiety and “what ifs.” The only way I can get back to a place of
peace is through prayer. Prayer where I
admit I am not so good at prayer - honest, vulnerable, messy prayer. And when I begin to hear the rational
thoughts again, when my mind settles enough for breathing and wisdom I think
about how Laura lived her life when her body was falling apart despite all her
best efforts and the efforts of her doctors.
She lived a life worth fighting for.
With her head pounding from another round of chemo she cherished moments
she could watch her children playing, hugs from loved ones and glimpses of the
Holy Spirit at work within and around her.
She was still planning fun things, sharing moments of closeness with
friends and loving everyone she could.
When there were so many very real reasons for her to shut down emotionally,
let go of hope and drown in sorrow she didn’t.
Even until the day she died, she held on to her faith and in her
vulnerability and brokenness was so incredibly strong.
Four years later and I am far from the places and faces she
knew, but I still feel her in my heart.
I remember her fierce support and belief in me on days when I doubt
myself, I remember her unconditional love for her children as I kiss mine
goodnight and I try to honor her by being open, vulnerable and faithful.
My husband asked me when I wanted to preach next and gave me
the choice of a few dates. I picked June
30 right away. I picked it because I
knew my heart would be softer and more open today and also because when I
preach I feel her close to me. She is
the Woman at the Well on my stole, the sassy, honest, questioning, strong woman
who knew Jesus.
Saturday, June 8, 2019
When is the bake sale?
When I walked into my first PTA meeting I expected to find rows of cardigan clad moms discussing the next bake sale. What I found instead was a few teachers and a few parents working tirelessly to make each child's elementary school experience fun and memorable. I met women who had devoted countless hours to the PTA for ten years. The lists of things they planned and carried out during the school year amazed me, being that there were so few people involved in the PTA.
Soon after I was approached by my son's teacher about running for PTA President. I felt completely out of my comfort zone, having spent all of my professional career and all of my adult years immersed almost solely in the Church world, but with the current officers moving on with their children to middle school and a small pool to draw from for new leaders, I felt I was needed.
I said yes, ran uncontested, and the next thing I know I am having my photo taken in a hotel lobby for my name badge at the state PTA convention. I fell in love with PTA at that convention. Not just because of all of the free stuff from the vendor's tables, but also because of what I learned about PTA. What the organization does is what I feel passionate about. It is all about advocating for the needs of not just your child, but every child everywhere. PTA has advocated for things like playgrounds, free lunches, and free all day kindergarten. There were sessions on various social justice issues along with things like fund-raising and recruitment.
I also got to know the three other brave women who signed on for officer positions with me. We did not know each other at all but between whispered conversations in session and personal sharing over meals we soon connected and found many areas of common ground and shared struggles.
Throughout the year we did a lot! We accomplished some new things that I am really proud of and I had some failed attempts that frustrated me, but it was a rewarding experience. I discovered that the kids at our school know the PTA, they get excited to see us, they treat us like part of the school and they say thank you A LOT. The teachers and staff treat us as valued members of the school team, brainstorm with us, and say thank you A LOT. Over this past year I have learned so much about educational systems. I have felt enraged at the injustices I see in the ways our country does public education and I have felt overwhelmed with gratitude at the ways in which our schools are caring, nurturing, and educating our children. I know that teachers have many frustrations too and yet I have been blown away at the genuine care, concern, and passion I have seen over and over again in the classrooms of our school.
I am about to start year two of my two-year PTA presidential term and I feel both exhausted and excited at the thought of it. I wish more people would join their local PTA. It is not about volunteering but about being informed and having a say in the decisions that will effect your child.
There have been a few times when I will say I am the PTA President and the person I am talking to will chuckle or snicker. I get it. It conjures up images of gossip, stressing over bake sales, and overbearing parents, but when I tell people about my PTA involvement my son doesn't chuckle, instead he beams with pride. He loves it and I feel like he and I are working together to do what we can to help the school. And after a year of fund-raisers, events, volunteering, important decisions, and learning we still haven't had a bake sale.