The
other day I was having a conversation with someone who innocently asked
me if I sleep in and eat more now that I am not working. It was an
honest question, but also one that made me realize many people probably
have no idea what exactly it is that I do in a day. Which is fair, since
I have no idea how lawyers, accountants and rocket scientists spend
their time each day. Besides, as a pastor I have become accustomed to
the occasional “that’s nice that you only have to work on Sundays”
comment.
I know people have strong feelings about whether or not a parent should stay at home to be the primary daytime caregiver for the children. Recently a man I had just met went on and on to me about how every mother should stay at home and that would solve many problems in the world. I just said that I was happy to be in my situation and moved on. What I was thinking and did not say for the sake of keeping the conversation brief, was that I was a full-time working mom for the first 22 months of my son’s life, and we had an amazing bond during that time. I cherished the extra mornings I got to spend with him when I went in late and worked late. I looked forward all day to the sound of him excitedly yelling “mommy’s home!” and I worked really hard to create a schedule that would allow us a lot of time together while also fulfilling work obligations. Plus, he had an awesome babysitter who not only “watched” him but loved him and taught him things. He still loves her and counts her among his best friends. He had a good life, but in the end I wanted something different. I wanted more time with him while I can. Now I am a stay at home mom and we still have an amazing bond and he still has a good life. So I get both sides of it. I am completely comfortable with my decision to take a few years off of full time work and so I am not defensive about it when people feel women shouldn’t “give up” their jobs and I had almost two years of experience as a working mom so I don’t believe that is a choice that will harm kids or be detrimental to their formation.
Anyway, it’s been about four months in as a stay at home mom and my son and I have settled into a schedule that we both really love. Of course every parent that is home in the daytime with their child has a very different schedule, but for us this is what works. We love our time just the two of us and our time as a family, but we also crave social interaction and relationships. So here is our typical week: church on Sunday, helping our friend learn English on Monday mornings, neighborhood play date on Tuesday mornings, Kindermusik with Daddy on Tuesday afternoons (while I have some relax time), library story time on Wednesdays, we used to have swim lessons on Thursday morning but with his eczema we decided to take winter off and have recently come upon a new activity Thursday mornings at the art museum, Friday is family day, Saturday if my husband is working we go to a story time at a local coffee shop. Add to that the occasional work things I still have: co-mentoring a group of new candidates for ministry, clergy women’s spiritual leadership group, DCOM meetings, filling in for pastors on vacation, church functions, etc. I am still hoping to start a weekly Bible study. Add in meals and nap times and it ends up being a full week. All of this leaves us with sufficient social time and lots of time just the two of us.
I do not sleep in because my son does not usually sleep in past 7:45am. I am incredibly thankful for play dates and new friends. I love our neighborhood and all it has to offer. I do eat more but mostly because I am pregnant. I cook more and make healthier meals. And for now this is a life I enjoy.
One of my concerns when I decided to make this change in my life was becoming too insular in my world view. I still want to work for justice, care about others and discipline my faith. I don’t want to become only concerned with my family and my life. I don’t want to forget about the rest of the world and be happy feeling content and never challenged. These are things I am still pushing myself on and trying to figure out. Anyway, this is my life for now. It’s crazy that some day I will be telling my son that he needs to call me more and visit me more and he will be busy with his life and saying “I know, I know” as he struggles to maintain his own work/family balance. Because right now he needs me so much that sometimes it humbles me, overwhelms me and moves me. He wakes me in the night to say “I need hugs” and in a crowded room makes sure he knows where I am at all times. He holds my hand more tightly in new situations and looks at my face to find out if he is acting appropriately or inappropriately. He says words and phrases I use and tries to do what I do. Over time all of that will change, but right now … that’s my life.
I know people have strong feelings about whether or not a parent should stay at home to be the primary daytime caregiver for the children. Recently a man I had just met went on and on to me about how every mother should stay at home and that would solve many problems in the world. I just said that I was happy to be in my situation and moved on. What I was thinking and did not say for the sake of keeping the conversation brief, was that I was a full-time working mom for the first 22 months of my son’s life, and we had an amazing bond during that time. I cherished the extra mornings I got to spend with him when I went in late and worked late. I looked forward all day to the sound of him excitedly yelling “mommy’s home!” and I worked really hard to create a schedule that would allow us a lot of time together while also fulfilling work obligations. Plus, he had an awesome babysitter who not only “watched” him but loved him and taught him things. He still loves her and counts her among his best friends. He had a good life, but in the end I wanted something different. I wanted more time with him while I can. Now I am a stay at home mom and we still have an amazing bond and he still has a good life. So I get both sides of it. I am completely comfortable with my decision to take a few years off of full time work and so I am not defensive about it when people feel women shouldn’t “give up” their jobs and I had almost two years of experience as a working mom so I don’t believe that is a choice that will harm kids or be detrimental to their formation.
Anyway, it’s been about four months in as a stay at home mom and my son and I have settled into a schedule that we both really love. Of course every parent that is home in the daytime with their child has a very different schedule, but for us this is what works. We love our time just the two of us and our time as a family, but we also crave social interaction and relationships. So here is our typical week: church on Sunday, helping our friend learn English on Monday mornings, neighborhood play date on Tuesday mornings, Kindermusik with Daddy on Tuesday afternoons (while I have some relax time), library story time on Wednesdays, we used to have swim lessons on Thursday morning but with his eczema we decided to take winter off and have recently come upon a new activity Thursday mornings at the art museum, Friday is family day, Saturday if my husband is working we go to a story time at a local coffee shop. Add to that the occasional work things I still have: co-mentoring a group of new candidates for ministry, clergy women’s spiritual leadership group, DCOM meetings, filling in for pastors on vacation, church functions, etc. I am still hoping to start a weekly Bible study. Add in meals and nap times and it ends up being a full week. All of this leaves us with sufficient social time and lots of time just the two of us.
I do not sleep in because my son does not usually sleep in past 7:45am. I am incredibly thankful for play dates and new friends. I love our neighborhood and all it has to offer. I do eat more but mostly because I am pregnant. I cook more and make healthier meals. And for now this is a life I enjoy.
One of my concerns when I decided to make this change in my life was becoming too insular in my world view. I still want to work for justice, care about others and discipline my faith. I don’t want to become only concerned with my family and my life. I don’t want to forget about the rest of the world and be happy feeling content and never challenged. These are things I am still pushing myself on and trying to figure out. Anyway, this is my life for now. It’s crazy that some day I will be telling my son that he needs to call me more and visit me more and he will be busy with his life and saying “I know, I know” as he struggles to maintain his own work/family balance. Because right now he needs me so much that sometimes it humbles me, overwhelms me and moves me. He wakes me in the night to say “I need hugs” and in a crowded room makes sure he knows where I am at all times. He holds my hand more tightly in new situations and looks at my face to find out if he is acting appropriately or inappropriately. He says words and phrases I use and tries to do what I do. Over time all of that will change, but right now … that’s my life.
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