Two Years

Today is the second anniversary of the day my friend died.  As the day is coming to a close I just feel sad.  I feel sad that she died; I feel sad that life changes so quickly; and I feel sad that the day is over.  I know that for many the memory of a sick loved one suffering is one that is forgotten with hard work and effort.  And the anniversary of the day someone died may be a dreaded day when sunset is slow and the sunrise can't come fast enough.  But right now I feel sad because I wanted to remember every moment, replay memories and feel connected to who she was ... to who I was two years ago. 

And I did think of her all day.  I had a lovely morning sitting by a pool full of happy children telling my new friend all about the amazing woman I was lucky to know two years ago.  But as I tucked in my son and read him "The Giving Tree" I found myself lamenting at the changes life brings.  I have changed in the last two years.  That is not a bad thing, in fact I would say I have grown and bettered myself in many ways, but sometimes I miss who I once was ...  I have been blessed with so many wonderful new friends in this wonderful new place, but sometimes I miss the friends that used to be near and now are far.  

But two years later and I am still unwrapping the gift Laura gave me through my relationship with her.  She taught me so much about being a friend.  She came into my life when I was a pastor and spending most of my time with people a good bit older than me and as I transitioned into the world of stay at home mom I suddenly found myself with people my age and opportunities for friendships.  Laura had so many friends and was so good at it.  She helped me navigate that time by modeling (and offering) friendship and critiquing my wardrobe when it was needed.  

We were moms of little children at the same time and I remember thinking how sad it was that I would one day become a mom of teenagers, then college students, then adults but she would forever be preserved in time as that young mom.  But I continue to learn from her parenting.  I remember the way she guided her children through her illness, I look at her Instagram pictures of snuggles and giggles and I see how amazing her kids are and I hope to be able to emulate her combination of honesty, respect, fun and intimacy in parenting.  

And I'm writing in my blog.  Something I only started because of her, her example and encouragement.  These days I don't do the self-revealing, pouring out my heart to people as often as I used to when I was in a pulpit every week so personal writing feels strange, but it is definitely one of the ways I feel connected to her.

As this day closes I remember how much she believed in me ... and how much I believed in her.  And that inspires, comforts, challenges, humbles and blesses me for another year.