Sunday, June 30, 2019

Sustenance


Sermon for Grace and St. Stephen’s 6/30/19 2 Kings 2:1-2, 6-14, Luke 9:51-62

 

          A couple of weeks ago I flew to Ohio for my annual conference.  Most of you know that I am a United Methodist pastor and my conference membership is with East Ohio where I grew up and was ordained.  Every other year there is one Episcopal priest who uses a week of his vacation time to go to Ohio and hang out with our kids while I attend conference sessions.  The East Ohio Conference is in the same small community on Lake Erie every year.  In the center of the little town is an auditorium and that is where we have our meetings, worship and ordinations. 

         Tuesday evening I dodged the bugs and entered the humid auditorium in my alb and red stole.  I walked in the procession and found my seat all the while gripping tightly to a beautiful red stole in my hands.  It was handed to me by a young woman who I met 13 years ago when I was fresh out of seminary and serving as an associate pastor.  She was about 14 years old and part of the youth group I oversaw in my role.  Over the years we spent a lot of time together: lock-ins, mission trips, conferences, church events, planning youth group calendars when she became youth group president, long talks about theology, the Bible, faith, struggles … calling.  She graduated, I began pastoring a different church and eventually I was writing seminary recommendations for her … three years later proof reading her paperwork for ordination and then I was sitting there with a red stole on my lap, as she had given me the honor of being the person to go on stage with her, lay hands on her with the Bishop and then place it over her shoulders. 

         At the rehearsal for the service I jokingly said to her “it’s like I’m Elijah and you’re Elisha!” to which she replied “but hopefully without you disappearing on a chariot into the clouds.”  And soon after I did get on a plane and disappeared into the clouds headed back home to Colorado.

         I came back and opened up to the lectionary scriptures for my Sunday to preach and what do I find … the story of Elijah and Elisha.  The passing of the mantle. 

           As I reflected further on this story, particularly in the context of one of our other lectionary scriptures for today- the Gospel reading where Jesus is walking around inviting people to follow him and they are shouting back their excuses- I could hear a clear message of calling and invitation but also in these texts I hear a bold statement about sufficiency. 

           Elijah is a tough act to follow.  Even with the moment of discouragement and despair we read about last week, he stays deeply connected to God, courageously faces powers and rulers equipped only with his assurance of God’s presence and power.  In deep famine he finds sustenance not only for himself but also a widow and her son completely given in to hopelessness.   

         And now Elisha has to carry on, wear Elijah’s mantle, continue his work.  Apart from a similar name, how could he have possible felt prepared for such work?  A life of saying things that people don’t want to hear and having the odds stacked against you.  But, Elisha knows what he needs to do the work ahead.  So he asks for it.  He doesn’t ask for an army, a funding source or even that endless supply of flour and oil that sustained Elijah and the widow.  Instead he asks for that spirit.  Elisha asks Elijah for a double share of his spirit.  Armies get conquered, food fills only until the next meal and fortunes get spent but that spirit,  that deep connection with God, the courage and faith that made miracles, that is what he needs.  Elijah says “ok, but you gotta stick with me until the end.” 

          Elijah soon goes in a whirlwind … but God remains -with Elisha, with prophets after him, with the Holy Spirit and with each of us called in our baptism to do God’s work thousands of years later.  God remains and that spirit carries on.

          And that’s what I saw that night on stage at the ordination, under bright lights standing in front of hundreds of people.  I saw the Holy Spirit, God’s presence with God’s people, carrying on, calling new people in new ways, and providing what we need for building the Kingdom of Heaven on earth. 

          When I went to conference this year I did not have much hope for what would happen.  These are very divisive and uncertain times for The United Methodist Church.  It may be my last conference there and it will almost definitely be the last conference with the denomination looking the way it currently does.  When I entered I saw a lot of retirees, heard a lot of strategizing, agendas and opposing views.   Pillars of the conference have died, many of my mentors have retired and the young people were underrepresented.  And this is not unique to just that area or that denomination.

          While we here at Grace have a vibrant community and so many wonderful faith filled young people, many churches in America are struggling and trying to hold on to what is familiar while realizing that change is inevitable.  In many churches the number of funerals far outnumbers baptisms.

          But God’s spirit is still moving.  God is providing sustenance.  God’s spirit was alive and present at that conference- the young woman I stood on stage with is bold, deeply faithful and courageous in her calling.  And whether or not a denomination changes, she is a reminder to me that God is still at work and providing what we need.

          There is a tradition every year at the end of the ordination service.  The congregation in that big auditorium sits down and sings while some representatives stand at the front.  An invitation is put out for anyone who may feel called by God to ordained ministry to come forward.  And then we wait.  We sing and we wait to see if any brave souls will walk to the front to be prayed over.  I have been worshiping at Episcopal churches long enough to feel a little awkward at this altar-call type experience, but despite initial awkwardness after a few minutes I, like everyone around me had tears down my cheeks.  

          People came forward.  From all walks of life and all ages, they came.  They came not because the church can promise them wealth, security or armies of support, but because they believe that the Spirit calls and sustains us.  And I thought back to many years ago when I was a young teenager and took that awkward walk to the front of the auditorium, in front of all of those people, to say that I felt called to ordained ministry. 

          I thought about what that calling has looked like over the years since then. Some of it has been in church ministry, some of it has been through friendships, volunteer work, parenting and casual conversations.  Some of it has been through loneliness, doubt, depression and uncertainty.  Some of it has been through places I never expected, I didn’t expect that I would be standing here in an Episcopal pulpit in Colorado.  Some of it has been through deeply painful deaths and saying goodbye to the people who supported me.  But all of it has been sustained by that spirit, that spirit of God that moved over creation, passed from Elijah to Elisha and fills this room now. 

          It is that same spirit that we taught the children about one week ago when they filled our space with the songs they learned in Vacation Bible School.  The spirit that enables them to be strong and courageous even when the lions roar.  It is the same spirit that stirs within us when we see injustices that break our hearts in the world.  When we see the faces of children suffering.  The same spirit that moves within us when we are tempted to throw our hands in the air with helplessness, overwhelming guilt, or silencing despair. 

          And this is why Jesus says “follow me.” Because he knows that we can.  He knows the spirit sustains us.  He knows nothing in the world can quench the fire within us.  And so we are called to the difficult places, the pains of the world and the challenges of each day with courage, faith and hope.  Knowing that God is enough and the spirit of God will never leave us.   




Saturday, June 29, 2019

Four Years



Four Years.  Today marks four years since I walked into that Hospice room and sat with her … since I whispered love and encouragement in her ear between goodbyes from people who loved her so much that they could barely breathe between tears … since we last communicated through a look, one last moment of eye contact before her eyes saw things I haven’t yet seen. 

It’s been four years and I am still unpacking what I learned from that experience … from her life and her death.  Soon after she died and every year since on this day I have written about it and I have said that watching her die pushes back on all my fears about death.  Those final moments were peaceful, full of love and beautiful.  But also watching her live taught me a lot about how I want to live.

Some days I find myself caught up in worry.  I worry about something happening to my kids and I worry about something happening to me or my husband.  Some days I let the fear take up more space than it should and my thoughts are colored by anxiety and “what ifs.”  The only way I can get back to a place of peace is through prayer.  Prayer where I admit I am not so good at prayer - honest, vulnerable, messy prayer.  And when I begin to hear the rational thoughts again, when my mind settles enough for breathing and wisdom I think about how Laura lived her life when her body was falling apart despite all her best efforts and the efforts of her doctors.  She lived a life worth fighting for.  With her head pounding from another round of chemo she cherished moments she could watch her children playing, hugs from loved ones and glimpses of the Holy Spirit at work within and around her.  She was still planning fun things, sharing moments of closeness with friends and loving everyone she could.  When there were so many very real reasons for her to shut down emotionally, let go of hope and drown in sorrow she didn’t.  Even until the day she died, she held on to her faith and in her vulnerability and brokenness was so incredibly strong. 

Four years later and I am far from the places and faces she knew, but I still feel her in my heart.  I remember her fierce support and belief in me on days when I doubt myself, I remember her unconditional love for her children as I kiss mine goodnight and I try to honor her by being open, vulnerable and faithful. 

My husband asked me when I wanted to preach next and gave me the choice of a few dates.  I picked June 30 right away.  I picked it because I knew my heart would be softer and more open today and also because when I preach I feel her close to me.  She is the Woman at the Well on my stole, the sassy, honest, questioning, strong woman who knew Jesus. 



Saturday, June 8, 2019

When is the bake sale?

When I walked into my first PTA meeting I expected to find rows of cardigan clad moms discussing the next bake sale.  What I found instead was a few teachers and a few parents working tirelessly to make each child's elementary school experience fun and memorable.  I met women who had devoted countless hours to the PTA for ten years.  The lists of things they planned and carried out during the school year amazed me, being that there were so few people involved in the PTA.  

Soon after I was approached by my son's teacher about running for PTA President.  I felt completely out of my comfort zone, having spent all of my professional career and all of my adult years immersed almost solely in the Church world, but with the current officers moving on with their children to middle school and a small pool to draw from for new leaders, I felt I was needed. 

I said yes, ran uncontested, and the next thing I know I am having my photo taken in a hotel lobby for my name badge at the state PTA convention.  I fell in love with PTA at that convention.  Not just because of all of the free stuff from the vendor's tables, but also because of what I learned about PTA.  What the organization does is what I feel passionate about.  It is all about advocating for the needs of not just your child, but every child everywhere.  PTA has advocated for things like playgrounds, free lunches, and free all day kindergarten.  There were sessions on various social justice issues along with things like fund-raising and recruitment.  

I also got to know the three other brave women who signed on for officer positions with me.  We did not know each other at all but between whispered conversations in session and personal sharing over meals we soon connected and found many areas of common ground and shared struggles.  

Throughout the year we did a lot!  We accomplished some new things that I am really proud of and I had some failed attempts that frustrated me, but it was a rewarding experience.  I discovered that the kids at our school know the PTA, they get excited to see us, they treat us like part of the school and they say thank you A LOT.  The teachers and staff treat us as valued members of the school team, brainstorm with us, and say thank you A LOT.  Over this past year I have learned so much about educational systems.  I have felt enraged at the injustices I see in the ways our country does public education and I have felt overwhelmed with gratitude at the ways in which our schools are caring, nurturing, and educating our children.  I know that teachers have many frustrations too and yet I have been blown away at the genuine care, concern, and passion I have seen over and over again in the classrooms of our school.  

I am about to start year two of my two-year PTA presidential term and I feel both exhausted and excited at the thought of it.  I wish more people would join their local PTA.  It is not about volunteering but about being informed and having a say in the decisions that will effect your child.  

There have been a few times when I will say I am the PTA President and the person I am talking to will chuckle or snicker.  I get it.  It conjures up images of gossip, stressing over bake sales, and overbearing parents, but when I tell people about my PTA involvement my son doesn't chuckle, instead he beams with pride.  He loves it and I feel like he and I are working together to do what we can to help the school.   And after a year of fund-raisers, events, volunteering, important decisions, and learning we still haven't had a bake sale.